Celeste & Josh

Celeste was shivering. She’d started as soon as she left the little restaurant and now, within sight of her third-storey apartment she had to clench her jaw to prevent her teeth chattering. The temperature was unusually low and she wasn’t accustomed to leaving home with a coat. Finally reaching the apartment building she rushed towards the French doors that were being opened by someone leaving the building. Just at the right time, she thought.

As she rushed through the door she was in such a hurry to get through before the door closed that she didn’t notice someone blocking her way. “Darn it,” she said, bending down quickly to gather the contents of her bag that had slipped out of her hand as she collided with the figure that was now towering over her. When she was finished he reached out his hand to help her up but she ignored it and pulled herself up.

Without acknowledging the figure any further she gathered her bearings and rushed up the stairs. As she reached the landing to her floor she raced towards the end of the corridor and twisted the lock on her door. She fumbled in her purse for a few seconds but was not immediately successful. A second time she tried to no avail. She emptied her purse on the worn-out carpet in front her door but still no keys. Where on earth are they? she thought, still sweeping through makeup kit, pens, sunshade, paper, napkins, pain killers, organizer, hair clips, a bottle of lotion, hair spray and countless other paraphernalia she kept permanently in her bag.

She did not notice footsteps approaching until the figure knelt down beside her, observing curiously, as she scattered her belongings in all directions.
“May I be of any help?” the figure asked in a deeply accented voice. “Perhaps you’d like my help locating something.” She made no attempt to respond but continued rummaging around on the carpet. “I offered my hand to you twice in the last few moments and twice you’ve refused it,” he continued. The hurt was evident in his voice neither did he try to mask the wounded expression on his face.
“I could manage quite fine on my own. I’ve been doing so for years now and I’ve had no complaints from myself so far. Now if you don’t mind you’re in my way.”

Ignoring her request to shift his position he continued with an attempt at humor “actually I don’t think you can.” She rolled her eyes in response and continued searching around on the floor. “And without you accepting my offer for help I’ll proffer it again anyway.” He reached into his pocket and dangled a set of keys from his ebony fingers. “I believe these belong to you. As well a nice and sincere thank you would do.”

She eyed him viciously and grabbed the keys from his fingers. “You snatched away my keys and tortured my poor knees by having me search for them hopelessly and now you have the audacity to beg for a thank you?” She was furious and the heat from her anger filtered through her. She no longer felt cold.

“Well if a thank you is not in order I’ll agree to substitute with dinner. Let’s say tonight, at 8:30. I’ll pick you up here?” He put on his most sexy eyes and stared down into her emerald crystals. With just one look her anger dissipated. She knew better than to hold his gaze and looked away quickly. If she went out to dinner with Josh she’d have to be close to him. She’d have to look into his face. She’d see the way his eyebrows arched and his blue eyes gleamed when he was making a point. The erotic fullness of his lower lip and the hard, masculine line of his jaw might sway her. She’d seen quite enough of Joshua O’Brien’s handsome face and angelic grin for one lifetime.

“You already know my answer to that, it’s the same answer it has always been and it will never change.”
It hurt her to have to turn him down repeatedly. For months he’d been trying to reach her, unrelenting in his efforts, determined that she was too precious for him to allow to pass by. He stood there silent for a few seconds and she wondered what he was thinking. She made the mistake of looking up and staring into those eyes and her heart finally melted. It’s as if his eyes could see into the depths of her soul and hers into his.

“Dinner is not such a good idea tonight. You could come inside instead,” she said, her heart tightening even as she allowed the words to spill from her lips.

She couldn’t see his reaction. She didn’t have to. She knew what it meant to him. She stuffed her belongings back into her bag and opened her apartment door with the keys. Heading straight for the kitchen she noticed him settling down comfortably into his favorite chair. She didn’t want to be going through this again. She was still hurting from their breakup and didn't want to be reminded of the pain once more.

As she prepared tea her mind went over the same things she dreaded going back over. She hadn’t said anything to him that morning. She’d simply packed and left. No note, no call, no nothing. And he had been heartbroken. She knew that for sure. Her friends had not been gentle with her, neither was her mother. Her weekly conversations with her mother stuck to the same script each time. Her mom calls her just to let her know how disappointed she is Celeste has broken up with Josh. These conversations always began, continued and ended with her mother chastising her on what she feels is an ill-judged decision.

Her mother is a robust woman in her late sixties, having had Celeste, her only child, much later than nature usually advices as safe or society determined was reasonable. She was a woman of firm character and had ambitious dreams for her daughter. Celeste was the gem of her old age but she was still disappointed in her. It bothered her that her twenty-eight year old daughter was still single, seeing her own life choices reflected poorly in her daughter. She herself had had one true love in her life but had allowed her fears to come between him and her. They shared a child together and that is all she has left of him to hold on to. She also has memories but they are no comfort to her. They are just constant reminders of the tragedy of her life, allowing the man she loved to slip away from her. Recently she’s been traveling back to those years more often. That’s been ever since her daughter made the same foolish decision she had, to leave the one she loves.

Celeste has tried to reason with her mother, but to no avail. Leaving Josh was a choice she had to make, a choice she’s been regretting since, but one that was necessary nonetheless.

The whistle of the kettle brought her back, reminding her that she’ll soon have to face the music with Josh and at last give him an explanation as to why she had to leave him and why she didn’t have the courage to look him in the face when she did it. She packed a tray with teacups, sugar and cream and headed nervously towards the living room. The moment was now and she could not avoid it.
As she entered the living room she stood, tray-in-hand, observing him move lithely around the furniture, adjusting the little ornaments on the shelves as he passed. He took up a snow ball and shook it, then rested it back down, then turned swiftly around to catch her staring at him. He always knew when her eyes were on him. He locked on to her eyes and held them as he walked towards her and eased the tray from her fingers. She remained motionless during all this, unable to snatch herself out from under his magical gaze.

He rested the tray on the clear glass coffee table that was inset with garnet gem stones, her favorite. He had designed it for her and felt pleased that she had kept it, reminding her of him each time she passed through the living area. She had kept other things too. The twelve-piece set of fish-shaped ornaments that were resting on a shelf next to the fish tank were also gifts he designed for her. He had enjoyed creating things just for her, she inspired him with beauty. He missed his inspiration and has not been able to design much in the past couple of months. His clients, though loyal, were getting irritated. He wasn’t producing what they wanted produced but he alone and the princess that was staring nervously at him knew why. He was now sitting in the deep-red full-length settee and beckoned for her to sit beside him.

She did not heed him but made her way towards the bedroom where she switched on the lights. The lights bounced off the walls that were painted in gold and crimson. It was a fabulously artistic combination and she marveled each time at its forcefulness. She pulled the envelope from the bedside table and made her way back to the living room, planting herself solidly next to Josh. She usually did as he requested.

“Josh,” she began hoarsely. She cleared her throat and began again “Josh, I’ve been dreading having to face up to you for months now. I’ve rehearsed this in my mind so many times that it should be easy for me to explain to you all the whys and the hows and the why nots. But I still can’t. I can’t break your heart even more without breaking down myself.” Tears welled up in her eyes and started to trickle slowly down her cheeks. He stared compassionately at her but made no attempt to comfort her or to wipe the tears from her eyes. He knew her passionately and knew that all he could do was listen and wait. She pressed the envelope into his hands and he continued to stare at her, not moving, dreading himself what he’s been so desperate to find out all these months.

“Open it,” she instructed. “And read what’s inside.”

Slowly he moved aside the flap of the white, unsealed envelope and proceeded to remove the papers that were neatly placed inside. He removed the three leaves and quietly began to examine each. He perused each careful for what seemed like a lifetime and repeated the process again. Eventually he tore his eyes away from the paper and Celeste tore her eyes away from him because she knew she couldn’t stand the tears that she saw approaching his eyes. She didn’t hear him sniffle but she felt his pain. Even greater than she thought he would hurt she knew he was hurting deeply. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity, his eyes turned towards her and her eyes turned towards the fishes swimming in the tank. Fishes don’t shed tears, she thought, but I bet they hurt too. She had only imagined how Josh would react when he found out but nothing could have prepared her for this. She knew he was sensitive and passionate, she didn’t expect him to cry and to remain so deadly silent. She couldn’t bring herself to look towards him because then her heart would pain her even more. She could only wait, wait until he decided to speak. For what seemed like an eternity he just sat there uttering nothing but saying everything. Her mind went to that Mexican song they had loved so much, the lyrics “una palabra no dice nada y al mismo tiempo, lo esconde todo.” In those times, those happier times, they didn't need to communicate with words from the lips. Their hearts whispered to each other and they attained such unity in spirit that he knew her words before she spoke as she did his. They remained both visibly motionless but falling apart inside. For moments none spoke – not their hearts, not their lips – his spirit was silent and hers was reaching out. She suddenly felt a gulf come between them and knew in that instant that he was lost to her forever.

He got up and moved towards the door. She couldn't look up, she didn't want to look up, she didn't need to look up. It was exactly like the vision she kept having of this exact moment, his exact reaction. She replayed the image in her head and her soul began to cry.

She saw him walk towards the door, despondent. She heard the door close and his footsteps stepping lightly down the hallway, unhurried, hesitant. She discerned his silent, invisible tears. She felt herself approach the door, fearing to let him go without making an appeal. She saw herself run into his arms, pleading, in tears and in pain. She told him she loved him, she opened her all to him and begged him to forgive her. She knew it would be useless because her sins were unforgivable. Josh did not budge. His face remained expressionless but in his eyes she saw it and she knew it – knew it was time to let him go. As she saw herself walk back to the door her soul was so rent with pain she struggled to make the few steps. “He’s gone!” her heart croaked, but she wished she could get him back. She wished she could find the map to that hidden treasure that they'd loved listening to Carlos Varela sing about.

Caught up in her reverie she didn't notice Josh still standing over her. She didn't hear when Josh whispered I love you. Celeste was in tears and falling apart.

“Celeste,” he lightly brushed her cheeks then used his fingers to turn her face towards him. “I love you, Celeste.” He pulled her into his arms and arched her face upwards then allowed his lips to lightly brush against hers. She couldn't resist and fell into his arms. They clung hopelessly to each other and he drank thirstily from her lips fearing this was his last chance to catch her before she’s lost to him for good. She tried to pull away to speak but he hung on to her, kissing her even more deeply. He feared the words, he hated the words. She belonged to him and that’s all that matters, what he just read doesn't matter, what she did to him doesn't matter, nothing else matters once she is in his arms.
She took up the envelope and its contents and pressed it between them. “Do you know what this means?” He made no response but tried to pull her back towards him. “Joshua O'Brien, do you know what this means?”

He heaved the papers from her fingers and marched into the kitchen. He rummaged around long enough to locate some matches and then returned to the living room. Striking a match he proceeded to burn the papers allowing their blackened remains to fall aimlessly to the white tiled floor.

“Do you know what this is Celeste, my moonlight, the soul of my night. This is a man who loves you, whose heart is worthless without you. This is the heart of a man whose days are darkness without you. This is the day that man refuses to let go of you because these are the arms of a man that can do nothing else but love you. I don’t care what that letter says, I care about what you say and that is all I am going by. Do you love me?”

She stared shocked and awed at the same time, her mouth hanging open, unable to utter what her heart yearned to say. Her mother’s words came back to her “Love can break any bondage, can heal any hurt. Love, Celeste! Love! That’s the one thing that guarantees joy in this life.”

“Celeste Adoria Sullivan, do you love me?” He caught her gaze and grabbed it, she could not release herself from its magic. He stared way beyond her emerald eyes and spoke softly to her soul. Her soul stared boldly back into his soul and in her eyes were those words that let him know that everything was going to be alright. He pulled her into his arms once more and knew that from today his Celeste would forever be in his life because nothing could come between his soul and hers. I no longer believe in fantasies, she whispered in her thoughts, they cannot predict the magic of enduring love.

Celeste & Josh  © 2007 - The content appearing on this blog is the exclusive copyright of S.L. Lawrence and should not be copied or reproduced without the explicit written consent of the copyright owner.